What If Everybody Did It?

Charlotte Ostermann

 

 

When my Gramma came to my house

on a day that there was school,

how I wished I could stay home with her

and break the attendance rules. 

I would call the teachers up and tell them

Gramma was with me,

so I simply could not come that day

to learn geometry.

 

“What if everybody did it?”

Gramma laughed at my idea.

“There’d be lazies!  There’d be crazies!

There’d be slugabeds and mobs!

Imagine houses built by folks

who hadn’t taken math,

or doctors fumbling fractions!

How would anyone get jobs?

A world of school-less skippers

would be dangerous at best.

Who could tell us who knows what

if no one ever took a test?”

 

While she talked, I thought about a time

when everyone would stay

with the babies and the mamas

and the grammas for a day.

“There’d be hugging, there’d be kissing.

There’d be playing lots of games.

I already know more history

than someone I could name.

We’d have treasure hunts instead of

getting ready for a test.

We might even grow much smarter

if we got some extra rest!

And who cares if someone builds

a wacky, crooked house or two,

if I get a bit more time to spend

just having fun with you?”

 

Gramma sniffed at me and pushed me

out the door to catch the bus,

“You go on now, do your duty,

after school’s the time for us.”

 

***************************************

When Gramma took me to the park

beside a lake to walk,

I remembered in my backpack

was a box of colored chalk.

But when I bent down to draw

a brontosaurus on the path,

Gramma shot a warning look my way

and stopped me in my tracks.

 

“What if everybody did it?”

she exclaimed in real dismay.

“There’d be hodgey-podgey smudges

ruining rugs and shirts and jeans.

There’d be choking chalk dust everywhere.

The world would be a mess.

It would cost a million dollars

Just to get our downtown clean!

Surely people who can draw

could find a better place to do it,

or get busy doing real work,

putting elbow grease into it.”

 

I could see her point clearly,

but the picture in my mind

was of cheerful sidewalks covered

in chalk art of every kind.

“There’d be birds and kites and seascapes.

There’d be kittens, sharks and cars.

There’d be dragons, trains and spiders;

copies of van Goghs, Renoirs;

all the ugly, boring concrete

decorated for a day.

Every kid could be an artist,

and the old artists could play!

You could walk into a cartoon strip;

stand right in the open sea;

play tic-tac-toe and hopscotch;

and the whole thing would be free!

 

Everyone who came would love it.

They’d be happier,” I cried.

But Gramma only tugged me on my way

And rolled her eyes.

 

***************************************

When Gramma took me to the store

I brought my horn along.

She let me play it in the car

though lots of notes were wrong.

And I was still a’tooting

when she adamantly declared,

“Just leave that thing, I will not have you

 honking it in there.”

 

“What if everybody did it?”

she responded to my tears.

There’d be hoop-a-la and hollering.

There’d be singing with the band;

whistling, plucking, strumming

keeping us awake till dawn.

Sleepless nights will make us all sick

if the noise gets out of hand.

You can bet your best pajamas

that not even J.S. Bach

tootled ‘Twinkle’ variations

in the grocery parking lot!”

 

She just couldn’t see the fun of it

that was so plain to me.

The world would be a giant party

if we could toot merrily!

There’d be orchestras on busses;

fife and drum corps in the park.

People might turn off their TVs

just to listen in the dark.

Kazoo bands in the pet store;

oompah tubas on the train;

windy piccolos and bagpipes;

summer singing in the rain!

And then shopping with your Gramma

wouldn’t be so hard to take,

accompanied by the happy music

everyone would make.

 

“Land ‘a mercy!” thundered Gramma

as she stomped into the mall,

“All this fuss about a trumpet.

I don’t understand it all.”

 

***************************************

When my Gramma walks real slowly

I just cannot settle down.

I begin to whirl and dance and skip,

pretending I’m a clown.

I do somersaults and cartwheels

and some silly-footed strides

when my legs just can’t be still enough

to stay right by her side.

 

“What if everybody did it?”

Gramma fussed at me last week.

“There’d be tangles, there’d be wrangles.

There’d be falls and scraped up knees.

We’d have head bumps and collisions;

Careless clowners causing wrecks;

So I’ll thank you to just simmer down

and walk more calmly, please.

If the town was full of gymnasts

we old folks would have to ride;

couldn’t walk with loopy lopers

wriggling round on every side.”

 

Well, I could walk slower by her side

when I took time to dream

of a world turned to a circus,

though to me it didn’t seem

that a city filled with tumblers –

juggling, rolling, leaping past –

would be anything but great fun

if they didn’t go too fast.

Magic tricks on every corner;

silly clowns to make us smile.

Then the city maybe wouldn’t

be so grumpy for a while.

There’d be tightrope walkers tiptoeing

above the market square;

long parades of elephants and tigers

marching everywhere!

 

“Oh, pish tosh,” poo-poohed my Gramma.

“Just what will you think of next?

I could never run my errands if

folks did what you suggest!

 

***************************************

 

While I was busy dreaming

what a hoot it all would be,

a fellow who looked hungry smiled

and reached his hat toward me.

So I put in the sixty cents

Mom said that I could spend.

He said, “Thanks,” and Gramma turned

to tell me not to give again.

 

“What if everybody did it?”

she said sadly, with a shrug

There’d be beggars everywhere you went.

They couldn’t get enough.

If they thought we’d all give money

when they pestered passersby,

then they’d crowd around and scare us.

They might even steal our stuff.

I really don’t know what to do

‘bout folks who are in need,

but I know there’s many more of them

than you or I could feed.”

 

Although I saw what Gramma meant

this time, I saw some more.

She hadn’t seen his happy smile

that had made my heart soar.

I told her, “Gramma, you might think

I’m rude to contradict,

but I just can’t believe in

all the things your fears predict.

I know I’m young and I do see

you have a point or two,

but I’d sure like for you to think

a little like I do.

If everybody thought your way

we wouldn’t have much fun!

We’d only wait around to do

the same as everyone.

We wouldn’t give one penny

‘cause we couldn’t give them all.

We’d never meet new people,

and we’d never have a ball!

 

There is no ‘everybody’,

just one right here, right now.

If we’re too careful we might miss

the nicest things somehow.

 

Gramma listened to me thoughtfully,

then slowly turned around,

walked back to the man and winked at me

then sat down on the ground.

She said, “Let’s just share our picnic

with this fellow while I rest

from my hurries and my worries

and put your theory to the test.”

 

So we munched our lunches quietly

with Jake, the homeless guy,

and I wondered what she meant to do

when we told him good-bye.

She tossed her apple core and said,

“Right here, right now, with you,

I shall plunk my achey toesies

in the fountain by the zoo!”

So we splashed and whooped and sang

and planned out one whole crazy day.

I’m sure we never will forget the time

that Gramma learned to play!

 

We drew pictures on the sidewalks,

talked out loud in nonsense words,

juggled apples till they splattered

then just left them for the birds.

We ate popsicles for dinner,

whistled show tunes on the bus,

laughed out loud though no one ever seemed to smile except for us.

Gramma giggled when they grumbled

about oddballs in the town.

“They’re as cheerless as I might have been

if you were not around!”

 

Since that day we do a lot more things

we really want to do.

And if everybody wants to join the fun,

then they can too!